Thursday, March 11, 2010

Post Adoption Blues

The only reason, I have been able to post on my blog is because of the sleepless days/nights. Hope is on her own schedule & agenda. She may sleep an hour, she may sleep ten minutes. I have been trying to sleep when she does, but it is hard with Noah.

Some have asked about details, about what it is like being home with the child, who comes from a far? It is just like coming home from the hospital with a newborn! Some of you have been fortunate with a baby that sleeps..that was never my luck! Hope is totally on board with the tradition;) She behaves just as my boys did. She loves all the attention, until she's had enough and then wants down. She loves her freedom! She wants to climb evrywhere and crawl and stand..although like I said in previous posts, I don't think she is strong enough yet, even though she refuses to acknowledge this...she is a lot like her older brother Frederick-very independant..I even caught her trying to put on her own socks;) My daughter is always smiling & laughing! Not the same child we had met a couple of months back.

How am I feeling these days? I have my ups and downs..well I guess today does not count, since my parents' dog died (my childhood dog) sniff sniff..yep, its gonna be a tissue day! 'Tayla' was adopted by me when I was fifteen, she was one. She was a skinny, abused sharpe mix..(her owners mistaken her for a pitbull and tried to beat her to get aggressive..but she was not), and she was so eager to come home with me that day. I brought her home and nursed her back to health. She became my best friend. She even kind of led me to my husband, on our long walks around the block (my then neighbor lived not so far away;) As strange as it is..I think I am also sad because she died on the 11th..the same number my uncle passed in July..I'm not a superstitious person..but its weird. I am not going to mark the 11th with tragedy, because we went to court February 11 for Hope, and it was a wonderous day.

Anyway, I'm moping! I haven't had much sleep because of Hope crying and then rolling around in bed with me, (me awake, trying to make sure she doesn't fall).
I am trying to make the family work and flow smoothly, so no one notices that four kids is harder than three..I think the house knows though. I snapped at Freddy yesterday;( Because, he didn't have Hope in her carseat (mennnn) still was not right for me to snap and get angry, especially in front of our neighbor!

I'm a little irritable..nervous..I think its the company..its been too much on me. People's opinions, people's suggestions...the truth of the matter is, that I get annoyed by some of the ignorance, especially now that I am vulnerable-almost an open a good friend of mine once stated. Don't come to visit me to see 'the adopted orphan'..visit because of the new addition, because of our celebration of love & happiness..don't come by, expecting to see something bizarre or something for entertainment!!

Guess I am venting out to you guys today! I am defeated. I am reading biblical scriptures to lift me up at night when I can't sleep. It really helps.

Hope does not feel any different than any of my other children. She behaves the same way they did, even her affection towards me. She reaches her hand into my neck or at times under my shirt, I guess to feel my warmth and she closes her eyes and nibbles on her blankie..we are one at that moment and she feels safe.

Its hard to believe even that we made those trips to Russia 3 times! I feel like it was all but a the stories I read her. Its as if she has always been here.

P.S. Once we know more detail about this mess in Russia and we can move on...please let me know if you want Hope's snowsuit, that was also once 'Boos' (Chandra's girl). We are to pass on the snowsuit to bring home other Angels from Russia. I just washed it, and since it is warming up in Russia, there is no real need to purchase one...or if you live in a freezing state, just consider not messing up your new one and just bring home your baby in this one. Please let me know, so I can send it to you.



Nicole said...

I have been following along your journey for some time now. We adopted from Russia in Sept'08 and are now waiting for our daughter from China! We lost our sweet dog one week after arriving home from Russia.It was so diificult with the lack of sleep, loss of him ,and all of the visiting observors! I promise it does get better ! Sleep was the most important for me.It took me several weeks to get into the swing of things .We all survived and I did not lose one child in the mounds of laundry!!!
Take care and Hope is beautiful!!!!

Anonymous said...


Good friends brought their daugher home from Korea two weeks ago and are going through all of the same things that you are. There process was different but also crazy and her arrival was sudden.

I think that the process for I.A. is so complicated and there is so much focus on all of the hoops that you have to jump through right up until the day you board the plane that there is little time left to prepare for the transition of having a new child in the house. It's a big deal!

I'm so so sorry about your pup - let yourself be sad.

Also, make sure there is some time left for you - a happy/semi-balanced (must be realistic) mommy is good for everyone.


Jeanette said...

Haven't been in your shoes YET, but I'm sure things will work out soon. You all just need some time. One little person can really change the dynamic in a household. You have been on an emotional roller coaster for a while now. Then take away sleep. You're bound to feel blue. Hang in there!

The Jackson Family said...

I had to laugh when I read your post. I felt exactly the same way. It's kind of like I wanted to say, look people, for the last few years we have been waiting on this little girl, leave us alone so we can get to know her. I felt like I had post adoption depression if there is such a thing. I just wanted to hang out at home with Claire and do nothing else. Friends didn't realize that I wanted to be left alone and they just kept coming by. I got to the place where I didn't return phone calls or texts because I knew they would ask to come by and I wouldn't want to say no. Hang in there. It gets better... And the novelty will soon wear off for all the observers. I still get tired of people saying she is my "adopted daughter or my Russian daughter". She's just my daughter. I don't call my other kids my "biological kids or my American kids".

The Megerle's said...

Hello my name is Leah and I have been following your blog for a while. We had court two days ago on the 10th and got home last night to wait out the 10 have made me cry and have encouraged me through our process. We leave to go back to pick up our little princess on the 26th. Only two weeks away. I cannot believe we are so close. Thank you for being so candid on your blog. I think it's so sweet that you are offering to send someone the snowsuit. I wish I had not purchased one...although the one I bought I'm not sure is going to fit her because I thought we would have been going back sooner so mine will be a little small. We will make it work though. I just want to tell you that Hope is absolutely beautiful!!! God Bless YOU!!!

Anonymous said...

You are doing an awesome job incorporating Hope into you home and family! Sleep deprivation is so hard on everyone, and hopefully you will get more soon! Hang in there, soon people will be asking about your daughter in the same way they refer to your sons. We've been home almost 5 months now with our boys, and it is hard to believe how fast they are changing! But I still remember the first few weeks of trying to be in the same time zone & help my boys adjust. Blessings!

Crazy Mom said...

Where is your video????? I missed it!!!!!