Direct to Russia + Hope's Last Night in an Orphanage

I forgot the adoption books again (Russian Handbook)grr..but We are here!

And quite tiiiiired! I don't know how people do the direct flight..it was exhausting! Anyway..enough complaining; we couldn't see Hope today;( her Gotcha Day will be tomorrow! We also will go get her passport done too.

I'm gonna catch some zzzz's cause I couldn't sleep on the plane.

P.S. The apartment is great!


Nite;)
xox

J.

We Leave TOMORROW!

Okay-We are running around like mice in a maze today!

I haven't packed or anything (weird of me)..but Fred was working overtime (another Godly Blessing our way) and I was moping & missing him;(

The visas were costly; but we just got it all back & then some, with poor Fred's hard work...and now we get to be together again (almost alone), in Russia with our daughter;)

I swear, as soon as we land we want to go get Hope!

We were advised against doing this, because of fatigue..but I'm already a mother of 3..fatigue is non existing in our home. I slept enough, 17 days to be exact! Time to get back on the 'Motherhorse'...and I will so be loving it!!!

TRUST ME,...HARD WORK PAYS OFF;)I will post again maybe from the airport (though, we plan on flying direct this time)and I'd rather not bore you. So I'll wait till we're in Russia, with Hope on her GOTCHA DAY!

Comparing Adoption to Pregnancy

Its actually Thursday, February 25th at 2AM...hehe?


You can weigh the worries of adoption and even try to compare them to pregnancy...except when you're pregnant, and nesting you're only worried about the birth..the whole time, the baby is safely nestled in your wombe and you can feel her. With adoption on the other hand, the worries never end, and the baby is not close...I can't feel her, I don't know if she is warm tonight or full?

It's a true testament of faith. God you are my ears & eyes.

heavenly father, please watch over my little girl, and keep her safe. We're almost there, visas are in..we're so close now.

Every Day & Every Passing Moment..

I think about you everyday Hopee...

There is not a minute that goes by, that I do not stop thinking about my little girl, who is right now, so far far away.

I stop to look at your photos, and the ones of us together, and the movies of us together,..where I am trying to get you to smile or giggle...I just want you crawling on the floor here in your house with your brother, Noah.

Okay-its starting to get hard! Especially now that the 10 days are done..and this would have been the week, that we would have taken Hope out of the orphanage and brought her to the apartment. This feels like it is going to be the loooongest week (Russian holiday) ever!! Hence, January all over again!

We are actually leaving the 27th of February now (am I repeating myself?) so its actually 4 more days now...'Gotcha Day' is a little longer than expected..but not too far away!

My sister will be having her baby right around the same time, we bring Hope home- (she said this was going to happen;)

Hey! I want to say something here- I want to thank the 'Knowles Family'! For commenting on my page (as well as y'all, you know you're all wonderful sweeties)..but I bring up 'the Knowles' for a reason..because, it was their 'blog' that led me to 'Lighthouse Adoptions'! After many months of trying to figure out which Agency (for me, this was the hardest part), I came upon their blog and fell in love! With their posts, with their children, & with their story;) Our daughter Hopee, looks very similar to their daughter Julia (I would have named my daughter Julia, if it wern't for their Julia). You see how powerful blogs can be? God knew exactly what my heart was searching for..and he led me right to Lighthouse Adoptions Inc.
I know this can be a touchy topic, (that's what FRUA is for right?)..but I can only talk about our experience on here;)

Anyway, if you're still going through the adoption process...keep the faith!

As always, I love you guys..you make my day!

Hanging with just Boys..one last time..

Monster Truck show;)

Uhmm..was different & dangerous?

Ha..whatever I love my boys dearly!

God is soo good!

10 Day Wait is OVER!

Already making Mama so proud!

Peekaboo!

Our Nadezda-Hope!



I am going to go back in my older posts and replace the photos with real photos, of Hope and our first meeting etc.

Visas..Again

Just sent out for visas again, and also making apartment reservations already..for yet another 5 day stay. I am actually, more nervous this time around for some reason. Perhaps, because its just flowing too smoothly (99%). We just want to go there and pick Hope up, finally. Take her out of there, and feed her, bath her, dry her, comb her hair and wrap her up in some soft new jammies;) Kiss her lots more and snuggle close till she falls asleep..

I pray the Embassy goes well..please no more holidays or delays!

I have to admitt, so far I am not dying...the three trip process is not bad at all! I thought it would be unbearable, but it's quite fine. Its been very, very beneficial to our three boys!I look back at our original plan..and don't think it would have worked out..the whole going back and forth for an hour at a time with the baby would drive us nuts!

Something to truly think about when on this journey..everyone's experience is truly unique, and can be especially helpful to PAP's..and what works for one may not work for another. So I recommend having an open mind and lots of flexibility. The Agency is there to help with most, but cannot predict all...something to keep in mind..don't get frustrated with the little things, if there's a solution (that can be identified off the bat...even if it sux) just breathe, and keep moving forward!



There's a couple in Russia right now who is with our Agency..I pray for their Adoption Success;)

Hope Isabel!

Freddy I LOVE YOU! I am so happy to welcome another child with you..kindest, most patient person I know.


Hope-Was decided because, there was no way we thought we'd have more children, let alone a girl after three boys...so she is our little Hope. I also find it to be one of the more unique names today, that is still feminine & modern. It also happens to be YaYa's name (grandma)..and NaNa's (other grandma) favorite name.

Isabel-Was decided because, it means 'God's promise' and that is what she is...I truly have always known that I would some day have a daughter of my own.

Two days have gone by already, and so, we have eight more days left until the ten day grace period is done.

I don't want to brag too much..but I just can't wait to show you pics of the little girl we have been blessed with..she is everything we could ever want!

We want to attend the reunion..but will have to play it by year...because we would like to leave February 28th, to be in Russia the 1st of March to begin the immigration process!

WE'RE HOME BOYS!

Yeahhh! Cannot say we arn't exhausted! Thanks for all the support guys:)

Y'know we really thought we were not going to make it home so soon! All the flights to Florida out of Houston, were booked! Let me tell you, I hate houston! We were prepared that possibly, we were going to stay a night at a Hotel by the airport, and try again the next morning. Though, something inside me just felt like (even though we should be greatful that we made it to the States), I needed to do everything possible to get home, even if it meant going to Orlando or Tampa to rent a car...I already left one baby behind..I was not going to be away from the others who are waiting..if we could help it! There seemed to even be a panic, knowing that one baby was so far away from us at this point and the others were not much closer...ahhhhhh! Motherhood; to be away from the children, is a killer!

I thank the Lord again, for hearing me and knowing our hearts and our intentions in this life for our children. Thank you God for bringing us home to our boys. I know why you wanted us to come home (I am so happy about this now), yeah it hurt to leave Hope...but I need more time with the boys before Hope is home, because Hope is going to need so much of me. So our time with the boys needs to take play now...little things need to be reestablished with our sons. Bath time, and dinner time, and park time, and bible time...they need to be absolutley ready for Hope and not startled.

Thank you Lord..cannot say this enough..

Court's Success:) & Saying Good Bye:(

A couple of pics of the place that granted us our daughter under God's eyes! Quite a beautiful building for a courthouse. We didn't get very good close up pics of us, so you could see what we wore or how nervous we looked..oh well..atleast you know how happy we are!



This church used to be a babyhome, and I snapped this on the way to Hope after court.

First and foremost, Freddy wants me to tell you what I did to make sure he looked nice for court. Neither of us, know how to tie a tie (yeah..I know) so because I was very worried about this..I made an effort, by going on 'youtube' and attempting, 'the step by step' video of how to tie a tie! Freddy thought this was hilarious..I didn't think it was so funny...atleast it was a success and I managed to tie a tie for court! Freddy told everyone...whatever! (we both wore suits; Fred in navy and baby blue(tie), and I in a beige/sage color suit & black blouse & pearls, everyone seemed pleased with our choice..looks matter here in Russia..its all about first impressions! Oha ya..and its very, very cold here (wet blowing cold) so layer, ladies bring a hat, and maybe some boots that cover the calves atleast, seriously!

Soon after, we left for court (our appt. was for 11:30am), and met up with the same couple, we had the DOE appointment with, scott & Yuki (lucky folks like us to be moving along the process). Always a pleasure, meeting really good people! They are staying the 10 days, God Bless them & their 2 beautiful children. We both were slightly nervous- (naturally) but immediately, the orphanage director glanced at us and smiled and asked to be introduced to us. We exchanged words (some), and she fell in love with Freddy (believe it or not) she thought he was gorgeous..hehe..Freddy loved this. We also met the social worker who was smiling, she said she was happy that we were so young;) and she handed us two photos of Hope of when she was just 6 months old..sighhhh (melting). we thanked her and then walked into the court room. we all stood up, our translator 'Masha' was behind us translating the whole time every little detail of what was going on and what was to come. Questions that would be asked etc. We were well prepared and felt confident; it was now all about, taking in every moment. Freddy went first to be questioned..and immediately all the women in the court room swooned (he wants me to include this)..hehe..but its true. The judge was EXTREMELY KIND, her questions were few and straighforward:

To Freddy,

What is your name?
What is your date of birth?
What is your Citizenship?
What is your home address?
Describe your home?
Are you working?
What is your yearly income?
What is your position at work?
Why are you adopting?
Who will care for her while you work?
Don't you already have children?
Biological?
Why more?
Why not your own/try again?
Have you met the child?
How many times?
Have you bonded with the child?
How do you feel about her?
How do your boys & family feel about her?
What about her Asian looks?
Are you familiar with her medicals & social history?
How do you feel about them?
Will you be able to provide medical care, should the child need it?
Do you wish to keep her name?
Do you wish to keep her date of birth & place of birth?

To me (I went second),

Name please?
Date of birth?
Citizenship?
You will stay at home and care for her?
How do you feel about her/have you bonded?
How will your boys feel?

Then the Orphanage director appraoched the bench/podium and began to talk about when Hope came to the orphange. About us interacting with Hope. She said that Russians didn't even want to 'look' at Hope, because of her Asian heritage being known. She also, looked back at us and said that Hope had won the lottery and that she wished that she could get adopted by us...ahhhh! The judge told her that she is too old! We all laughed!

Then the social worker approached, and she told how Hope was very healthy, and very well behaved, and how she came to the orphanage. Again, it was mentioned, that she would not be adopted by any Russian family;(

The Judge then asked the prosecuter if she had any questions or objections, and she smiled warmly towards us and said no.

Then the Judge said she needed to leave the room to make her final decision. We provided her with different pictures of us with Hope, she asked if she could keep them and we said yes. We also gave her pics of our boys, so she could see how Hope would fit in. She said they were beautiful;)

She then came back in 10 minutes later (if that) and we stood up to hear her decision. We were 'officially named the parents of 'Hope Isabel Robaina' and will have custody of her, after the 10 days. It happend so fast and we were just elated! Everyone was so kind to us and full of smiles. It made our day..wow what a moment! Who says child birth is the greatest moment? This adoption and its events, have just taken my heart away, along with all these people here in russia...and of course our little girl! We were soon after driven to the baby home again, to see our daughter Hope one last time before we leave (tomorrow at 3am). We saw LAURA & SON AGAIN;) How cool is that?! Hope was feverish and sick..again;( She cried a little, but from discomfort of the teething I guess and the fever;( I held my daughter this time with a lot more confidence. I prayed for her fever and cold to go away, so that she will be strong once more, until mommy & daddy come back for her for real. She fell asleep in my arms..and for the first time..I watched my daughter as she slept, peacefully in my arms, her breathing & little heartbeat pounding away near my chest...it made me cry! I can't believe this beautiful girl is mine. I can't believe all that I have missed..yet I am here now for her..no more will she cry herself to sleep..I may not be here when she wakes up..but it will not be long before I will be near her always & forever. Of course it was time for us to leave again;( Though, when the caretaker came to take her from me she cried and looked back at me once more. It was difficult, but I know God will take care of her for me, until I will return for her...hopefully soon, God willing..March 1st.

Coming back to the apartment I was supposed to feel happy but I felt even more sad. We called our boys to tell them the good news, and hearing them, and their anxiousness, cheered me up..cause I am needed at home also. So I understand this process, and I am greatful to you, Lord for everything..even us going and returning here again in Russia. I love Russia..and I love its people...people with big hearts, and who have been through hard times...most of all I love that we made this journey.

If you want to adopt or have any doubts...just forget & ignore the negative stuff..go with the adoption and go with your heart..its just the right thing to do in a dying world with so little time!

God Bless You guys for following;)

I guess I can post pics after the 10 days? Can't wait!


J.

Just woke up!

Uhhh..its actually Thursday February 11th, 2010 here;)


It is 8am over here..and I was not able to sleep very well (Freddy either), my suit is somewhat wrinkled so I need to iron it. Our driver will be here in 2 hours to pick us up. I am very nervous;) I don't feel there is much to worry about..but I am a worrier anyhow! Court will be at noon time, but because we got an apartment near the baby home in the SE region, and court will be held in the NE region..we have a bit of a commute to make according to our driver. I would like to see downtown and 'Gum' and 'Basil' from the inside today if that is possible, since we want to leave tomorrow as early as possible. Praying for a positive experience today.

I read all your comments, and will try my best to list as much detail as possible for you all;)

Talk to you soon;)

Third visit completed!

Today, I think she remembered the crazy lady with the clothes who like to change her;)



Wednesday February 10th, 2010 (Russia time)



Went to see Hopee again today..only this time we were prepared;)

Brought a big ol' blanket, and toys and a new outfit of coourse. She seemed better today..did not cry a whole lot. She even smiled a few times, clapped her hands, and we got her giggling with some tickles..she has this lil raspy voice that makes us laugh;)

She looked ever so adorable in her pink attire it made me melt! Hopee is very girly! She let me put bows in her hair and a lil tutu that just looked so sweet on her. I can't wait to bring her home...I already see what the difference is with little girls. she is so tender and sweet and delicate..she would put her fingers in my mouth at times it was funny. She is also so attentive to conversation..she truly is my daughter. God you have let me experience these confirmations time after time..thank you for that..and thank you for our precious Hopee.

We met an adoptive mother today 'Laura' she was sooo nice and her baby is soooo cute! Hopee & he played, and we took turns taking pictures..thank God cause our battery died and we forgot the charger! If it wasn't for Laura we would have missed out on some amazing pictures taken with her great camera! Thanks LAURA AGAIN;) Pray that she gets home safely, she is alone here;( God Bless you laura!

Okay guys..we're gonna go out and walk around a bit..our posts are getting earlier/sooner..hehe wink*

Love ya's

J.

WE'RE HERE...+ Hope's Second visit with us;)

Yeah yeah I know..I suck!

We arrived in London on Monday morning; checked into a hotel and drank some coffee, to fight off the fatigue and whent sight seeing. let me tell you, I totally have found my new favorite place...LONDON TOWN! It's romantic, elegant, fashionable..and the architecture & food was amazing! I really loved it...and spent a lot of money there too..hehe. I just could not help myself. I had to buy a doll for Hope and little English cars for the boys..it was sooo fun with lots to do, but it was chilly and we had very little time.

okay, so we stayed the night there, and left early the next morning for Russia. This is why I figured I would not post since it wasn't adoption related (hear my excuse;)

Well we have arrived! We had landed in a different airport this time and so again, it felt like the first time in Russia;)We then got picked up by our driver...and we asked him if there was anyway to see Hope today, and he said that he did not arrange it but could, if we really wanted to..and of course we did. So we went to see Hope! While we anxiously waited, we took out the camera, and whatever else I could find in my purse (since I had left our luggage in the car)..and then, they brought her out..Goodness did she grow! She had much longer hair, and she looked taller, she now has 3 teeth on the bottom..and she was wearing the same dress..hmmmm. Anyway, we were so delighted to see our girl...or doll I should say! It brought our reality back into perspective. I felt more like her mommy today, although, she cried a lot! The majority of the 1 hour we were there..she cried! She was soo afraid..and she sobbed hard. I felt terrible for her. Freddy said that is definitley what she will be doing on the flight home...poor thing. I tried to give her peices of brownie that I had bought, which helped a lot..although she keeps pushing it out with her tongue..she is not able to chew yet. She does stand alone though (this made me feel like we have already missed so much;( Well after the crying and us trying to soothe her (which didn't help much) I tried to look at it in a positive perspective, she is getting older and she is incredibly smart, she did not remember us, and does not like strangers. She was constantly looking for her caregiver..which is all a very good sign on her attachment..and it is good that she is crying and realizing that change is about to begin. Her crying even made me realize how soon it will happen..and we both will go through a lot in the process..maybe it won't be easy, but in the end, it will all be worth it. I am willing for her to hate me first before she loves me (if that makes any sense). Later, when the caregivers probably could not stand to hear cry and us torment her any longer..they said it was time for her to go;) I was ok with that, because she was quite overwhelmed. The Medical doctor needed a ride to the metro, along with one of the caregivers, who happens to be Hope's main caregiver..she said in russian, that if we had any questions along the way in the car that we were welcome to ask her. So we took advantage of an opportunity and asked away. They both answered effortlessly, and confidently also..as if they knew their Hopee very well..I was kind of jealous;( They had cared for her and watched over her for the past year..they said that she was not afraid of baths, that she is now in another grupa since she is a year old, and that she now only sleeps twice day. Also, that she drinks from a cup, and has all her food mashed..so hence the lack of chewing. Also, no milk or formula ;( Sheeesh.. it really will be a rough adjustment for us now won't it? I really will look at all this and think, everything about this experience, is going to be about mother & daughter adjusting...my boys were a cinch..Hope's gonna be a pinch, hehe? I am actually quite happy now that, this trip ended up the way that it did. Not that its over..we still have quite a few hurdles to cross, just that Hope needs time. Also this apartment we got is pretty bad! The window just flew open when i typed that..brrrrrr! FREDDY!!! Haha..I am laughing now..but we got it cause we thought we'd stay the 10 days and it is close to the baby home..but it is a far cry from the last apartment we stayed at. Welcome to Russia! The stove barely works (we bought groceries already), the fridge doesn't work well, its all ugly! Though, the grocery store is easy to navigate. also, the staff has been very kind; one of them actually walked us all the way to the store, and waited as we shopped..he was so kind! We offered to buy him something but he refused...so on another spectrum, about this apartment & location..is that there is a huge park where we saw kids tobaggening, and we saw parents with their children playing (we did not see this downtown). Its very quiet and not so pushy and fast paced...and the kindness that's valuable all on its own, especially where there is a language barrier. Russia's other side I guess. First we were strangers..now we are calling it cozy;) It will take us 3 trips to get the full picture I think. Tomorrow we go to see Hope again, I plan on being prepared this time, maybe buy her a lollipop (like the first time) highly recommended! Also I will bring her dolls and dress her up again and take more pics. I hope she will be happier..she had a little scrape on her nose today..see what happens when a Mommy is not here;( Looks like all 4 of my kids had a tough week last week, even 2 of my boys had fallen and earned bumps. We actually saw other children today and heard children..it was good but it was still sad..I wish I could take them all home;( Okay that's it..if I start on this topic I'll drench the laptop! The internet connection here is already weak..and guys its really COOOOLLLLD here with very strong winds..we're on the 22nd floor..yeah don't ask..leave it to Fred to pick out a place..never again! Anyway, we're livin it up like Russians! Don't feel too bad for us though, cause we have a beautiful daughter out here!


Good Night;)

Arrived in Newark!

Having me a cup of latte! Here too early again....because of the 'snowstorms' again...is this deja vue or what? Our luggage was 7lbs too heavy..yikes! Isure hope it gets to London in one piece and that we don't lose it..I have already had all the 'adoption bumps' I think I can handle! Of course we were packing last minute and taking things out and printing things out, hope we didn't forget anything important..We needed to bring some pics of Hopee from our first trip and it was hard narrowing it down.Although, I must say that there were more pics of Hope and Daddy than there were of Hope and Mommy...Hmmmmm. We will have to fix that second time around! We brought her a birthday Candle:) A couple of binkies, a story book for Mommy to read to her and her first BIRTHDAY GIRL DRESS! Okay, obviously I have nothing better to do right now;) For some reason (and I'll admitt this) I felt like it was a good idea to bring her snowsuit for her passport/visa pics (we might do?)..if we don't then, I can just see if it'll fit:) Oh lil girly, I just wanna bring you home already!

Anyway, Thank you God for letting us arrive here early. I pray we make it to Russia and to court! Please don't let me goof up..

AMEN

WATCHOUT... CURVE BALL

WELL NOW, WHAT IF I TOLD YOU THAT PLANS JUST GOT CHANGED AGAIN?


YEP-IT'S TRUE..WE JUST GOT THROWN A CURVE BALL! I HATE BASEBALL..BUT KNOW THIS IS TRULY A 'CURVE BALL'..

LAST NIGHT I WAS TOO UPSET TO POST..AND I STILL DEBATED ON WHETHER WE SHOULD POST THIS OR NOT..BUT FIGURED, WHY LIE OR PRETEND?

WELL WE STILL ARE LEAVING FOR COURT (SET THE 11TH)...BUT THEN WE WILL HAVE TO LEAVE AND RETURN HOME, SANS HOPEE AGAIN;(

TURNS OUT THERE IS A GOVERNMENT RUSSIAN HOLIDAY, THAT WILL INTERFERE WITH OUR IMMIGRATION PLANS...AND SO IT WOULD HAVE TAKEN LONGER IN COUNTRY..AND IF YOU RECALL,..OUR VISAS EXPIRE THE 28TH OF FEBRUARY! WE PROBABLY WILL NOT RETURN TO RUSSIA TILL MARCH!!!!

THERE SHE GOES....CURVE BALL#2!

HOPEE WILL BE LIKE THIRTEEN & HALF MONTHS OLD BY THE TIME SHE ARRIVES HOME,..I SURE HOPE WE DON'T MISS HER FIRST STEPS -GROAAAN;(

I THOUGHT THIS WOULD BE OUR FINAL TRIP..NOW IT'S THREE TRIPS, WETHER WE LIKE IT OR NOT! I GUESS IT COULD BE WORSE; RUSSIA, IS TRULY AN ADVENTURE OF UNPREDICTABILITY...AND ONLY FOR THE FLEXIBLE! AND EVERYTHING THEY SAY ABOUT RUSSIA IS TRUE..EVEN THE EXPENSES UNFORTUNATELY! WELCOME VISA#3!

I AM ALSO COMING DOWN WITH A COLD I THINK...TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE! ALL THIS STRESS IS DRIVING ME NUTS! WHAT ARE YA GONNA DO? THAT'S HOW LIFE GOES...I TELL YA WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO...WE ARE GOING TO LEAVE THE 7TH AND SPEND A NIGHT IN LONDON (FOR OUR VALENTINE'S DAY) AND THEN WE ARE GOING TO CELEBRATE HOPE'S B DAY WITH HER...TAKE EVEN MORE PICTURES! THANK GOD FOR ALL OF THIS AND RETURN HOME! WE WILL ATTEND THE REUNION IN ORLANDO, SPEND MORE TIME WITH OUR BOYS..AND THEN WHEN WE RETURN TO RUSSIA, WE WILL GET IMMEDIATE CUSTODY OF OUR DAUGHTER, AND SET OUT TO LEAVE A.S.A.P.


PRAY FOR HOPEE GUYS IT'S REALLY HER WHO IS AT A DISADVANTAGE HERE;(
WE HAVE TO LEAVE HER AGAIN..THE VERY THING I DID NOT WANT TO DO!


Y'KNOW WHAT THOUGH...KEEP THE FAITH! GOD ROCKS AND ALWAYS HAS A BETTER PLAN;)


For your curiousity: February 23rd Defender of the Motherland Day, also known as The Army Day, or Men's Day, is a tribute to all the generations of Russian soldiers from the ancient times till modern days, to all those who courageously defended our Motherland from invaders. On this day the entire masculine population - from boys to old men - receive special greetings and presents. Women have a wonderful opportunity to convey their warmest and kindest feelings to the loved ones and to indulge them with sings of attention and affection.

Checking Off....Stress...Check!

My Nonna leaves early tomorrow morning, so we had to say good bye tonight..it was sad! I hate goodbyes;( I have also become very emotional all of a sudden..who says adoption is not like a pregnancy?

I came home tonight and started to repack...this part is so annoying! What to bring, what to not forget..what is absolutely necessary and not..Fred says only one pair of shoes/boots..

We did get the apartment reserved finally, and at a descent rate too! The best part of it all, is that it is close to the baby home;) YEAHHH! We are making this the 'final trip'..God willing!

We will be flying via Continental Airlines again (of course), and we are connecting through London, England...wish we could stop and see it a bit..but don't think that can be squeeazed into the program..ah shucks!

We received the Visas! They are only good until February 28th..I hope this works and we can be back before then...as the ten day grace period, will most likely not be waived in our region..and we will probably, not be able to have Hope in our custody, until those ten days are up. So we will make the most of this and visit her and visit town again and buy some more souvenirs (mainly for Hope;)

The count down has truly begun for us..and stress is running its nasty cycle..yet again!

Lot's is going on in our lives; and, all kind of at the same time..my sister is in the process of buying her home..in which I hope happens soon before she has her baby (due in March)..please pray for my sister's house! Thank You;)

Serious Nerves & Pull Ups!

I know I was not supposed to post unnecessarily..but I have friends who are in Russia right now..and reading thir blogs/posts get me nervous! I still have seven days and I am starting to already lose sleep. Just thinking that this is our last trip (God willing)..and that when we return, our family & life will forever be changed is freaking me out on so many levels!

I made Fred breakfast this morning and all he talked about was 'when we see Hope, and when Hope is home'..I just listen to him and am in awe of him and how far he has come with this adoption. He says her name like he says mine..it sounds so sweet;) Speaking of names...I was also nervous about court being so final and feeling how we better be sure about her name...you know how we women are! There are so many beautiful names for girls!!! How do you pick just one? She is our little princess, I wish I could call her Hope Victoria Julia Valentina Sabrina Maria Elena..HAHAHa..but we won't do that to her..we have her first and middle name..and the strange thing is that her name has stuck from the very beginning..my boys are soooo BOSSY!! (wonder where they get that from?)..they refuse to have any other name than the ones they want! So..when we return or after court, we will announce her complete name (its surprisingly short & simple). I am thinking about her clothes these days & how much she has grown..will the clothes/shoes/boots we bought fit? Will she be walking? Or what about her diaper size? I got these new mommy jitters it seems..I've never really changed a baby girl before..even that has me stressing!

Fred and I have been talking about how blessed we have been in the financial department these days. God knows how expensive an adoption is let alone RUSSIA! Money is just appearing everywhere! Opportunities of saving money has also been obvious for us and we thank the Lord so much, for acknowledging all the details, once again!

I also want to conclude this, by telling you guys that I am quite conscious that it is so much easier to be fearful and to give into those fears than not; and I am refusing to do this! I refuse to let myself get scared now..I have come too far, God has called on us to work in his way with his love..how dare I get scared now! I pray for strength and confidence, and that I not let my knees buckle because of the pressures & obstacles. Evil, wants me to fear the differences of biological vs adopted, (I bring this up because of the adoption-group meeting we attended), that is all they talked about..how different, how difficult...how much help I will need...I have to admitt, it overwhelmed me & stressed me out! I am going with my heart, the heart God gave me to use for his purposes in this life..whatever it brings, I know that He led me to Hope and I will be ready for her and whatever her needs may be. God won't give us what we cannot handle...he even has my boys' best interests at heart as well.

Sorry this post turned so serious...I just had to be honest about my thoughts & feelings these days. I see so many of you with such successes with such beautiful children..and I just cannot imagine any kind of failure when one has only good intentions for a child, who so desperately needs to be taken care of & loved.