Monday, February 1, 2010
Serious Nerves & Pull Ups!
I know I was not supposed to post unnecessarily..but I have friends who are in Russia right now..and reading thir blogs/posts get me nervous! I still have seven days and I am starting to already lose sleep. Just thinking that this is our last trip (God willing)..and that when we return, our family & life will forever be changed is freaking me out on so many levels!
I made Fred breakfast this morning and all he talked about was 'when we see Hope, and when Hope is home'..I just listen to him and am in awe of him and how far he has come with this adoption. He says her name like he says mine..it sounds so sweet;) Speaking of names...I was also nervous about court being so final and feeling how we better be sure about her name...you know how we women are! There are so many beautiful names for girls!!! How do you pick just one? She is our little princess, I wish I could call her Hope Victoria Julia Valentina Sabrina Maria Elena..HAHAHa..but we won't do that to her..we have her first and middle name..and the strange thing is that her name has stuck from the very beginning..my boys are soooo BOSSY!! (wonder where they get that from?)..they refuse to have any other name than the ones they want! So..when we return or after court, we will announce her complete name (its surprisingly short & simple). I am thinking about her clothes these days & how much she has grown..will the clothes/shoes/boots we bought fit? Will she be walking? Or what about her diaper size? I got these new mommy jitters it seems..I've never really changed a baby girl before..even that has me stressing!
Fred and I have been talking about how blessed we have been in the financial department these days. God knows how expensive an adoption is let alone RUSSIA! Money is just appearing everywhere! Opportunities of saving money has also been obvious for us and we thank the Lord so much, for acknowledging all the details, once again!
I also want to conclude this, by telling you guys that I am quite conscious that it is so much easier to be fearful and to give into those fears than not; and I am refusing to do this! I refuse to let myself get scared now..I have come too far, God has called on us to work in his way with his love..how dare I get scared now! I pray for strength and confidence, and that I not let my knees buckle because of the pressures & obstacles. Evil, wants me to fear the differences of biological vs adopted, (I bring this up because of the adoption-group meeting we attended), that is all they talked about..how different, how difficult...how much help I will need...I have to admitt, it overwhelmed me & stressed me out! I am going with my heart, the heart God gave me to use for his purposes in this life..whatever it brings, I know that He led me to Hope and I will be ready for her and whatever her needs may be. God won't give us what we cannot handle...he even has my boys' best interests at heart as well.
Sorry this post turned so serious...I just had to be honest about my thoughts & feelings these days. I see so many of you with such successes with such beautiful children..and I just cannot imagine any kind of failure when one has only good intentions for a child, who so desperately needs to be taken care of & loved.