Tuesday, December 8, 2009

11 Days & Counting..& Pre Travel Jitters...

Lord give us wings to fly...give us the strength and the courage to breathe.

I have not started packing yet...why? Cause I am nuts, that's why!

I have a GAZILLION things going on and buzzing in my head..sometimes it is so hard to just put one foot in front of the other and get yourself together..
I have a list (long one), and I have the luggage. I told myself, it would be best to pack slowly, so to not miss or forget anything...but between my boys and Santa Clause, and their school activities, and my mother's post surgery (she needs me daily), Fred's mom had a biopsy done and were waiting for results, his father is unhappy and needs us as well...I can go on and on.
I keep letting these excuses get ahead of me...first it was the apartments/hotel reservations, then it was the flights, and now its the apostilles (more).

What next Jeannie?

The truth is I am very scared! I am now so scared..I wake up at 5:30 every morning now to prepare breakfast for Freddy, where we talk about our trip and set our daily schedule. He has to do a lot at work before he leaves. We always get much accomplished (were good at this, its what we do)..but at night I get this horrible fear in my throat. I dunno why..its a lot I guess, leaving the boys behind, the other issues as well...the packing for winter (Freddy always has me worrying about being efficient and not overpacking). I start thinking about our referral, who she is, where she comes from, her history and stuff..and I think, can I really do this? I am sure this is normal...I have never adopted before, so this is new terrain...I also know that with many things (especially with me) there will always be fear & doubt, I have experienced this before. I know myself..I do this...even if I will be scared I will continue walking in the right direction; because I know the devil wants us to be scared, wants us to have doubt, wants us to be weak and lose grip of our faith. The devil does not want us to see this child and bring her home..he wants us to fail!
WE WILL NOT FAIL!...I'm going to climb, and force myself today to START PACKING MY DARN SUITCASE! This is silly of me to start worrying like this...my husband thank GOD, has been so calming and reassuring..he walks with a smile and he holds me...and then I feel better;)

I think Christmas shopping has eaten at me too...you know atleast this year I feel like we are truly celebrating Christmas the way GOD intended. Though still, I find myself stressing about the presents and contemplating, what is enough and what isn't..and if we bought the right stuff etc...I fight with myself over and over with this too...I am just stressed! I have a cold I can't rid of...Noah had a fever all night. Mackenzie lost his first tooth..its all so overwhelming for me today.

That is the only reassurance I should need.




Sherri & Tim said...

Hi! I've been following your blog awhile and we're another happy Lighthouse family. I've adopted three times and each time, right before the trip, I went through the same emotions! Either we're odd or that's just normal! Breathe. Focus & let yourself enjoy the moment. Enjoy & get packing!!!!! We'll send extra prayers your way!


Jeanette said...

OK, I leave saturday and haven't packed yet!!!! I have everything under the sun on the floor ready to go in except clothing. I have to do laundry :) Thursday (all day) will be the packing day. I'm pretty good at that stuff, so I'm not stressed (at least about that). But their is definite stress!!! You'll get it all done! And hopefully I will too :)

Chris and Celeste said...

I am sure everything you are feeling is normal. Take a deep breath, pray and remember jeremiah 29;11. Can't wait to see your beautiful daughter.
Christmas is stressful any way with obligations, family, school stuff etc. So you are doing great, hang in there. God is Good All the time.