Thursday, April 2, 2009

HAHA April Fool's..for me anyway!

Well..I really don't know what to say except that..its taking forever to be an American!

Y'know, I was born in the same Continent..this is getting ridiculous..I go down there to the immigration office hoping its just this quick small ceremony..and what do you know? They call me in and start asking me, why is it my signatures don't match, the signatures on my pictures..uhh..cause there was no room to sign on my pictures..I would end up scribbling on my face? I started this process when I was 18..I am now 26 and still not done yet. I was born in Canada, I have been traveling back and forth in the United States since I was 12, I married at 18...ok I am depressed! Big Time!

I know this is God's timing..I know it is only for my own good..but I am starting to get cold feet in the waiting process. Freddy has a second job now; I am pushing my friends away because I prefer isolation over conversation. I am grieving over a child that was brutally beaten in Russia may be the only thing that is keeping me going in the adoption direction though. I have friends who are adopting, and it seems like things just fall on their laps, and my path of adoption seems almost impossible at times. SIGH.

We really need to sell our rental; if we do this and are successful with this, then I will feel better and far less pressured about life's trials and errors. Freddy's mom recently gave us money for our adoption, I didn't know if I wanted to cry or if I wanted to jump up and down, if I was happy or if I was sad. Maybe I am getting overwhelmed by alot. I am terribly afraid now...and I don't really know why. I missed church on Wednesday because I forgot it was Wednesday..see how lost I am? I look to God for answers, and I know he is near, but I feel weak and tired. I will continue to pray and I will continue to search..God's timing. Sometimes all of your blogs is what keeps me going. I see how happy some of you are after your triumphs, or I see your courage for continuing the journey and it keeps me keep doing what you are doing..stay strong.

1 comment:

findingourdaughter said...

I know how downtrodden you must feel.....after a year in this process I still haven't gotten used to delays and paperwork problems, they still upset me so much.
I keep telling myself that after it is all done, I will see why and I will know the plan that God has for us.
Hang in there, keep moving forward and keep the faith!
Hugs and love,