Sunday, July 26, 2009
Getting back on the adoption horse..
I stopped thinking about Adoption...I even stopped caring about anything remotley related. Because of my hurt & anger; and, most of all my great loss.
I lost someone so close to me...someone I loved so much, someone who has always cared so much about us and our family's well being. He was always encouraging me to finish my degree and to do something for myself for a change...such a fatherly spirit. So I began thinking, maybe instead of adding children to our family, maybe I should be doing something else, career related?
I thought I was going to have plenty of time to shine on Motherhood, Marriage & lastly, a Degree/Career. I was going to show my uncle that I could have it all and that marriage & children don't stop people from growing or climbing for their full potential. When learning of Arturo's passing (I say learning because I still cannot believe that he is gone), I felt so robbed and cut short of ever being able to talk to him again, or seeing him again...I just felt unready to be left in this world without him. He is really gone and the world is a colder place because of his passing. Nobody gave like he did, loved like he did, or cared like he did. No one was as talented or beautiful...God Blessed him so much..he had everything and did everything with his short young life. In the end, all that he really wanted was just to be loved and to settle down and have a family. He didn't care about fame or money or a fake entourage. The last conversation that I had with him before he died, was about a month ago, and it was about our adoption in Russia. He was very excited and could not believe that we have come so far...it is probably one of the few things that I have done with my life so far, that he has been that happy about, or that had actually pleased him... and my husband has reminded me about this; how enthusiastic Arturo was about our adoption plans. He died knowing the changes that were about to take place in our family, and in order to give me the will & strength to stop crying and get back on the adoption horse...I must continue.
Freddy made another appointment with USCIS for our Biometric fingerprints August 4th.
I am sure glad that Freddy has taken over, and now is in control of our adoption path. Though, Lord, for only you are truly in control...you let me know that adoption would take place in our lives, only I didn't know to what extent, yet. Arturo's baby must return from Brazil and come to our family to be raised in a nurturing, loving, environment. Lord you are putting our entire family on a firm path...please Lord give us strength to embrace these blessings of yours. Not ours but your will God.