Monday, October 12, 2009
"I am slowly going crazy 1-2-3-4 BLINK"....
Yep that's it..I see myself wanting to stay home more and hoping to hear the phone ring and get a call/info, on the latest with *Russia*. I have the disease..its bad and getting worse!
The funny thing..is that I see that a lot of PAP's get the same way and that it is normal..and sometimes I do think that, yes we do want 'the call' etc.
but, what do you actually do once you get the call?
Then what? Even this stresses me out...sheesh!
You start to stress about the arrangements and what is to be done from there?
..and so, I am getting the idea that 'adoption' is a heck of alot harder & a lot more complicating than pregnancy, that's for sure..because I don't think I got grey hair during pregnancy!
When you have other children in the home, its so hard to act as though you are fine, and that all is ok..and that your supposed to not be stressed about the adoption but.....eeeeek!
CRAZY is more like it!
I don't know what to expect..or what I am expecting in this adoption journey..sometimes I ask that of myself even...I guess I expect another child to join our family soon?.....well sooner would be better in my mind anyway;)
I know sometimes we stress over ridiculous things like...'well she won't be home for Christmas'...and what if we have to travel during those times..that is so inconvenient etc. Too often, we want convenience in our schedule and lives...I am sure God has this all figured out..and I am sure his timing will be best.
It hasn't been an easy year; my uncle's death is still fresh..and we go back and forth with grief and trying to go on and make plans for ourselves..and it does get hard..you feel like you end up no where in the end.
Just yesterday I heard a message on a Christian radio station I often listen to- (The Moody Bible Inst.), and it was a young girl who was speaking, she had just faught cancer. Her message, was about how a lot people without disease live in a way, where they take life for granted, and do nothing with their days, maybe because they are healthy today, and so they can always 'wait' for tomorrow, and do something tomorrow...but sometimes, we don't get a tomorrow..and that is what she was reminding us. So, now that her cancer is finally gone, she vows to live everyday as full as possible..as hard as that is sometimes..we should all atleast try, right?
That message really spoke to me in a very deep way; and could not have come at a better time in my life. There are days that I can be doing so much more..and I am not, and I feel very guilty for this. I don't want to waste my days either..life is too short. Even if I never make it to 'referral day' atleast, these were one of our plans..and aside from those plans; I was living life with my family everyday!
So yesterday, thanks to my hubby, -we went boating and swimming, and we went to the science museum the day before..I will post pics a little later..I just really wanted to post to let you know I am still here and smiling wink*