Another denied grant letter....

GROAAAAAAAANING!!!!

I saw that an envelope in the mailbox today, was from one of the grants we applied to..my hopes wern't too high, besides it still wasn't what I really want (USCIS I- 171)!
I opened it up because, atleast it was something adoption related..but it was a single letter stating that there is just not enough funds to go around.
I understand that; our adoption is in God's hands, and God alone will provide.

Sometimes it is so hard to not think about our adoption though..I hate the suspense, the uncertainty. You'd think I would be occupied enough; today while cleaning all I can sense aside from the Clorox, was my mind racing with thoughts about everything! The baby's room (its so ugly now), the furniture, the disorganization in my home, when my daughter starts school, her name (if we are certain about it being Hope), uhmm what else..oh yes, 'the what ifs' don't you love them? What if we don't end up getting a daughter...how dumb am I going to feel with an empty pink room? WHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Now for the positives:

1.)We are doing everything that we can possibly can to make this adoption dream a reality!

2.) Today I watched my eldest son receive an award for reading 100 books in single school year..yeahhhh! I am so proud!

3.) My middle child Mackenzie, is so anxious to start Kindergarten.

4.) Noah my youngest son; is a chatterbox, and is building his vocabulary by the minute!
5.) We unoffically adopted my neighbors cats...guess its still God's work?

6.) My mother surprised me last Sunday, by attending church...ahhhhhh what a Blessing from God! Thank you Lord, for answering my prayers!

7.) My neighbor says she wants to give me furniture for our baby girl..sweet!

8.) I am going shopping tomorrow with my sis to buy a dress for our mother's wedding..cool!
9.) I am getting a lot better at speaking/reading Russian!

10.) Freddy & I are spending a lot more time together..oouhhh la la...wink*